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cbarrows
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Name: Colleen
Birthday: 9/13/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: reading - i've been reading like a mad woman lately. and loving it.
journalling, which will maybe help this this mass journalling-blog business...and I love to laugh. dreaming is becoming one of my favorites lately. dreaming of beauty and "what ifs" and... i'm just very convinced that imagination and dreams are one of the greatest gifts we've been given. i want to practice.
and...crafting - i really can't help myself. it just happens.
I just really love to be outside, too, drinking in the beauty. star gazing, snow playing, walking in the woods, whatever. i love all the seasons... but winter can be a bit disheartening because my time with my beloved hammock is greatly diminished.
Expertise: i really shouldn't admit this, but i must set a precedent of honesty... i'm just really really good at belching. enough said.
and... hammock lounging. don't be fooled. this takes years of practice to perfect
same goes with star gazing. I've got that one nailed.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/2/2006
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| Seeing. Looking. Waiting. Breathing. "Imagining." Being. These things seem important, no? The very essence of life - or a life well-lived, at least. Yet... how is it that these things that I long to embody often seem so unattainable in the throes of busyness and planners... work and errands and checklists. Life often sweeps my feet out from under me, and these things are left on the sideline as I sprint to keep up with whatever deadline is ever-dangling in front of my determined face like a stringed banana that I will never catch (nice analogy, eh? :). I easily get lost in the fast pace of school, work, checklists, etc. as stress settles in next to me like an all-too familiar and weighty companion. My eyes grow dim with that companion next to me and I slide blindly past wonders scattered all about my feet. I trudge through my week with a thick cloud above me and a mischievous "friend" by my side, only to find that I have missed out on much. There have been moments when I could have chosen to see tiny dancing lighted wonders or that dazzling color or that wondrous smile or that tiny glorious leaf, but alas... my paunchy companion has kept me from seeing these "fringes" of glory glittering all about me.
I don't think I am alone in the scurry that we have all grown quite accomplished at performing with ease - the same one that keeps us from seeing what is by our big toe or sitting next to us on the couch. So, not that i can snap my fingers at the approach of this new year and slow down time so that I can smell the wafting fragrances in the air as I stoop in slow, perfect motion to peek at glimmering dew on a newly opened flower at my feet (although, that would be nice). But I can seek to find ways to build into my days moments of slowed-down-time. Time to stop. To look for the fringe scattered about my feet. Time to listen for whispers. And time to whisper back an echoed thanks.
Jones agrees, too, I think. About the need to look. And others... Dillard. Thoreau. etc.
"What do we see if we take the time to look? We see disconnection, absurdity, and glory - certainly these are contradictory things. If we look hard enough, we will see a great deal of glory and promise. Unfortunately, our vision is often distorted by pain and suffering. But we need to look at pain and suffering if we are to see past them to the glory and the promise. There is real glory in a way of believing that tries to be honest about what it sees."
- Soul Making by Alan Jones
Also see: Job 26:14!
so, why not start now?? glimmers. glitter. glory. goodness. grace. hmmm... well, why not start with something that speaks to me (loudly) of all of these "g's?!"
Snow!!!
snowflakes!
woah.
lots.
I have always been fascinated with snowflakes. Snow in general - the sight of a gusty storm out the window at home, the fields scattered with the white glory. the trees laden with it, the fields scattered with such an abundant glory that the breath is very nearly knocked out of me. But the thing that gets me the most and makes the whole word come alive with acuteness and absurdity is when I pull on my boots, put on a coat, and step out into the mayhem of whirling excessive beauty. I stoop down... sit... and get close enough to see. To really peek at what is littering the ground with such ridiculous beauty. and there they are. perfect little shapes. not globs of white, plunked down to make a pretty blanket only from afar - oh no! Instead, there at my feet (and under my toosh!?! oops) are delicate, intricate, amazing shapes littered, scattered, tilting this way and that, precariously positioned all about. what is this crazy excess of creativity, i wonder? i mean, little blobs of ice without shape that cover the world in a blanket of white - that i can understand. that i get. even that would be (and sometimes is) breathtaking. but this... this flagrant disregard for simplicity - this bombastic language of creation... this spell-binding show of care to detail... THIS leaves me reeling. and this... this always whispers of glory to me.
And... it's rather on the loud side for a whisper. | | |
| oh, the glory to waking up to shadows on my wall! and do you know what shadows mean!!?? The SUN is back in residence, folks! - for even a little while. what a good feeling to wake up to bright, glorious rays of light streaming into my room! enough to make a shadow on the wall. that is being a little cocky, if you ask me... "hey, look what i can do!" yes, i see that, sun. thanks for doing your job again. but, it is good motivation to get up an at 'em if i ever saw one... slightly more-so that the morose, soupy, fog-laden days we've had of late...so, i'll take showing-off-kind-of-sunny, thanks.
and sunny + Christmas tree waiting joyfully in the living room?! even better. We trekked out to Auburn, found ourselves the best darn tootin tree we could ("have to be able to touch the top of it" was our main restriction... we found out last year the hard way - oh, and better to be able to reach around a good portion of it, too....) we cut it down ourselves... and then hoisted it into a cart, got it bailed and proceeded into Christmas heaven - a barn filled with all things Christmas, not the least of which was hot chocolate and fudge that we promptly ordered (the promise of hot chocolate being a major reason we chose this farm... it's important to the experience!) then we tied it down to the car (i was pretty proud of that... no males needed, except the one who hoisted it up there. it stayed in place on the roof like a gem... after a little fiddling... and much worry... but stay, it did!).
and we made treats and watched polar express and ate yummy things and put the lights on and the ornaments and made crafts and ... sigh. Christmas is here.
how's my paper coming, you ask?
well, i'm getting there, thank you. but my heart is lighter after all that play, so maybe the writing will go faster!
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| i don't know if i've ever been this ready for a break. I need one. my body needs one. my brain needs one. My emotions need one. but no. still... 2 papers, 2 exams, 1 huge journal project and counting. sigh. My ability to think is shutting down... and my movie appetite is growing (procrastination is just way too fun). A break would be nice, thank you.
but. on the upside. I have found a new perfect little spot to write - A little coffee shop called Chocolati... I am sitting at a little table, with few people around me, sweet smelling raspberry tea by my side and a perfect view of Greenlake just to my left. I think I'm gonna like this place. a new hide-away, paper writing spot, me thinks. sigh. so, if i must wrestle my intellect into a corner a few more times before the break comes, there are worse places for such a wrestling match...
I don't know that much more can be squeezed out of me this term, but we shall see. Letty Russell, my theologian of choice and I - we'll find out together...
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| It feels good to do the things that make us who we are... this past week i did a lot of that. My sister was in town, so we talked, we ate good food, we went on walks, we laughed, we watched movies, and we did crafts. I have not done enough creating lately. I forget how much I love it. I love the act of making things with my hands... taking an assortment of whatever odds and ends, buttons and strings are around me and making... earrings... or a wallet... or whatever... It is so deeply satisfying and allows something that is inside to find expression in the outside world. I need more of that in my life. but for now: back to the books... sigh. but soon, some blessed day not too far off, i will be turning in the last of the papers, and finishing that last of the exams and the only thing on the agenda will be... creating. laughing. celebrating. enjoying. writing. loving... and eating... all good things, if you ask me. | | |
| sitting near her stirred longings
that I had forgotten existed
A grand-motherly fondness and
ache for comfort and care that
resides in the arms of age and
wisdom and kindness
A sweet, full and earthen wisdom
she wore around her as a
cloak - and with tenderness
she offered life. A drink
of something rich and whole and true.
Images of Mare flashed through
my mind. Her hands, her smile, her
spry gate and mischievous eyes.
She would have joined the tattoo
party, had she been offered the
chance. An ache arose that
was not bidden... but I am
familiar with its presence.
But... it was not merely an ache
that grew to bursting - it was
a shifting and a leverage - a
grounding in the soil of the day,
of the moment - that filled me
with wonder. awe. hope.
Delight. And I wondered
what made me choose this
profession. one of drudging up and
sinking in. I pray I can learn to also
call forth. and out. and... up.
I ached to create - in that space,
pregnant with goodness and grace and
tenderness. An energy to add to
the shifting images... and a glory arose
in my inner housing, and something
came forth... and rested. That which
has not found rest in some time...
it feels like life blood surging through my
veins - these dreams.
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